FARTING NOW MODERN ART

 A NEW MODERN ART SHOW IN NEW YORK CITY has drawn a lot of controversial attention, but not as much as one might expect given the subject:  gas, flatulence, cutting the cheese....shall we say more.  Some very well known modern artists have painted people farting, there's an interactive olfactory experience and most interesting of all are the depictions of inanimate objects passing gas. And most striking of all is a picture of a cheeseburger farting  --believe it or not it works.  Of course, it gets political, but it wouldn't be ethical to spoil the surprise.!

ONE SENTENCE SHORT STORY

THIS IS THE SAD STORY of an elevator repair man with attention deficit disorder.

CHINESE YEAR OF THE ROOSTER SURPRISE

SEVERAL SOURCES CONFIRM THE CHINESE PRESIDENT will soon announce
an unusual gift from the government to displaced workers  --a free, sort of,  chicken.   As
our source explained, "We are concerned about workers displaced due to changes in the
macroeconomic climate, so we want to reach out to them in  a very real, tangible way
--and we couldn't think of anything more tangible than  a free chicken. " 
     But there is a catch.  Although each family provided with their new chicken will not
be charged, the chicken will be owned by the government even after custody is turned over.
This is, after all, a communist government we're dealing with. 
     According to the same source ' "The Proletariat Chicken Program" as it's officially designated
will bridge the gap between traditional Marxist Ideology and modern capitalism.  The government will carefully track the health and progress of each chicken, and only require 1/10th of the return, either in the form of eggs, meat or chicks .  It's a win win situation for the government and the workers.'
     The reaction from underground Chinese newspapers has been skeptical.  According to the offshore "Free China Century" publication, "This new program is typical communist nonsense.  These
resources could have been far better expended by infrastructure spending or just letting the workers have the money to spend as they please within the proven free market economy.  This strange idea is
just another reason why constitutional democracy is not only a better form of government, but is actually an inevitability for China."
     Due to the massive numbers involved chicken prices are expected to soar world wide. 

RESEARCH DISCOVERS HORSE PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES

   

     RECENTLY PUBLISHED RESEARCH AT THE 
UNIVERSITY OF PRINZWEILER HAS PROVEN 
WHAT MANY HAVE SUSPECTED ALL ALONG 
--HORSE PEOPLE ARE ASSHOLES.  "We wouldn't
necessarily use that term" says Dr Von Furderberg, lead
author of the study "however what our study did
demonstrate is that individuals who own horses tend to
possess  unusually strong Narcissistic personality traits
--some of the highest ever found in an empirical study.
Utilization of ANOVA methodology found subcorrelates
between horse ownership and narcissism even stronger
when additional factors such as participation in competitive
equine activities such as rodeos were involved.  Additionally
horse owners with a history of membership in so called
"Greek" organizations, that is fraternities and sororities,
were incredibly strong in their Narcissism."
    The study explains this relationship as status driven.  For
example, many individuals in the United States, which is
where the data comes from, often drive large SUV's and
trucks because being high off the ground, as childish as it
seems, makes them feel special, and will purchase grossly
over sized vehicles even where their needs would be more
rationally met by a smaller commuter type automobile.
These type of people want to be high off the ground and
feel higher in status when they are.  "There is also an
obvious association between the cowboy mythos and
horse ownership.  In any case, horse owners can almost
always be predicted to be vain" further explains Von
Furderberg.
     So what does this all mean?  We asked Dr Von
Furderberg if Narcissism would ameliorate with the
removal of horses.  "No, that is highly unlikely.  Were you
to take away the actual horses, after a brief period of
disorientation a horse person would find some other prop
to lean on. Likely a large truck, of course, a bigger home,
or breast implants or other genital enlargement  surgery."
     Finally, we asked what one should do were one to find
oneself next door to an obnoxious horse person:  "Move"
Dr Furderberg replied without hesitation.


LABELS: rodeo, walking horses, saddle breeds, saddles, cowboys, F150

MARILYN MANSON IS GOING COUNTRY

MANSON GOES COUNTRY

IT'S OFFICIAL --MARILYN MANSON CONFIRMS HE WILL BE RELEASING COUNTRY ALBUM SOON, SEVERAL PRESS AGENCIES REPORT. Although some think the move is a bit of a stretch, Reba McEntire, who duets with him on his first country album explains: "Well, here I was sitting by my lonesome at home, looking out the winder, when ol' Marilyn Manson calls me up and says 'Ms McEntire, would you like to do a duet with me on my next album?' So I says to Mr Manson, now you wouldn't be pulling a prank on little ol' Reber would you, and he said no, he's serious, he was so inspired by the work I did with Kelly Clarkson he wanted to see if he could do as good even though he's kind of more of a punk feller he is actually a big fan of blue grass and country. I told him if you ain't yeller let's get 'er done!"Mr Manson sees the change in genres as a natural: "Talking to Reber, I mean Reba, really clarified my participation in country as the next natural step in my musical evolution. I have to admit, the nihilism thing is getting a little old. It's time for me to come back to earth a little while and communicate about things like cornbread and chicken (I'm a big Allan Jackson fan, by the way). "Manson's lyrics on the new album are fascinating. He bridges the gap by delivering a transition rendition of an old song with the following lyrics:

Beautiful People! Beautiful People!
Rascal Flatts, Doesn't Rhyme with Steeple!

Manson's version of country is also tender at times, such as in his song "Party Tractor"

I guess I was a little high.
I guess you are a little dead.
Sorry that I did some acid
And drove the John Deere over your head

And as for Manson's new appearance? "It's been my toughest challenge. I found out that a cowboy hat made out of human skin is illegal. I'm still working on that one."Please check here in coming days for new developments on this story.

Patch you later!

CHINESE DRY WALL ALERT

MILLIONS OF HOMES INTHE US, CANADA AND EVEN AUSTRALIA CONTAIN TOXIC CHINESE DRYWALL. HOW DO YOU TELL IF YOUR HOME CONTAINS THIS TOXIC TIMEBOMB? THERE'S A SIMPLE TEST THAT REQUIRES NO SPECIAL EQUIPMENT. FIRST, YOU CONTACT YOUR NEAREST CHINESE RESTAURANT AND ORDER AN EGGROLL --IT HAS TO BE FRESH FOR THIS TO WORK. NEXT, SMASH THE EGGROLL ON THE SUSPECTED DRY WALL. BE SURE AND SMASH IT HARD ENOUGH SO THAT A QUANTITY OF GREASE FROM THE EGGROLL COVERS THE DRY WALL. LEAVE THE ROOM FOR AT LEAST TWO HOURS, AFTER FIRST TURNING UP THE ROOM'S TEMPERATURE TO AT LEAST 80 DEGREES. WHEN YOU RETURN YOU CAN IDENTIFY THE SUSPECT DRY WALL BECAUSE THE EGGROLL TREATMENT WILL REVEAL CHINESE CHARACTERS --SORT OF LIKE A WATERMARK ON A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL. MAKE SURE YOU GET A PICTURE OF THE WATERMARK. OF COURSE, PROFESSIONAL VALIDATION OF THE CHINESE LANGUAGE CHARACTERS MAY BE NECESSARY BY A TRAINED LINGUIST. THAT'S WHY YOU NEED TO PHOTOGRAPHS. PLEASE TAKE THIS THREAT SERIOUSLY. YOUR LIFE, AND THE WELLBEING OF THOSE YOU LOVE ARE AT STAKE.

SP

Who knew there were farting blogs??

.
..
...
....




I LOOKED THEM UP AND THERE ARE SUCH THINGS!!

LOTS OF THEM--

TYPE IT IN ON YOUR BROWSER.

REALLY!! I'M SERIOUS!!

SEE??!!...

CAN Y'ALL BELIEVE??

HEY, ALSO THE OTHER SP CALLED ME UP TODAY TO TELL ME HE FARTED @ WORK.

CAN Y'ALL BELIEVE THIS??!!...

I KNOW, IT'S SOME FUNNY STUFF BC I LAUGHED MY HEAD OFF!!

Y'ALL SHOULD'VE BEEN THERE!!

GOD BLESS!!

--the better sp!!