If you've ever thought lawyers were different from most people, you were right. According to researchers at the University of Berlin "In another five generations attorneys will not be able to breed with normal humans." It seems that selective breeding with the scheming sorority girls lawyers invariably marry, together with their own peculiar genetics, are creating a new genotype incompatible with the rest of humanity, something which was recently confirmed in the discovery of the so called "lawyer gene."
Professor Eisenstat of the University explains further: "Using the powerful Five Factor Model of Personality, we find that built into attorneys is a lack of empathy which cannot be estimated by any known metric; the best we can explain it is to state that their score on the Agreeableness trait approaches, to use a physics term, absolute zero. Their average score on Openness to Experience is the most normal, while their status on the Extraversion and Neuroticism scales, is respectively abnormally high, and low. The combination of anomolous status on most of the scales comprises something we think of as factor six, or the shiester complex."
Solutions to the problem are as wide ranging as the lawyers' scores on personality tests. Moreover, the discovery of the lawyer gene in the Federal Republic brings up some dark reminders of Germany's past, but in a new way. Dr Eisenstat: "Some have even have recommended confining lawyers to special camps, where they could be monitored...of course, we here at the university do not condone this line of thinking in any way, shape or form."
As usual, we will continue to follow this intriguing story....if we don't get sued first.
Have a patchin' day!
David
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1 comment:
The shiester complex -- love it!
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