MARCH FIRST 2009 WILL BE FIRST ANNUAL "FART ON A LAWYER DAY"

TWO HUNDRED YEARS AGO SOMEONE DESCRIBED LAWYERS AS "THE ARBITERS OF JUSTICE FOR MEN MORE HONEST THAN THEMSELVES" Unfortunately, not much has changed since. Someone, however, intends to raise a stink about the situation with the first
"FART ON A LAWYER DAY" being set for March 1st of next year.
With a strategy similar to the Anonymous group that recently attacked Scientology, a mysterious web-based organization billing itself "COURT OF JACOBUS" sent out mass e-mails as early as November promoting the new day. A sample of their material: "They walk around court houses with smirks on their faces while the tired, sad people they prey upon sit on benches for hours waiting for their cases to be heard. They exist like eternal children, permanently cemented into their frat boy/ sorority house personalities, like the teenage boy kings of old engorged in their fiat after the untimely demise of the legitimate ruler. These parasites resist all legal remedies, because they are the law. We call for mass flatulence against this satanic force as the last result in a world where those who break the law suffer, those who obey the law struggle, and those who make the law shit on us all." (This is one of their milder publications.)
There are detailed instructions describing the appropriate prep for the first day of March. Besides beans, Bok Choy is highly recommended as diet. Participants are told to dress like attorneys themselves as they approach their target, and acting on the "He Who Smelt it Dealt It" principle, act as if they don't understand the startled reaction from those sampling the odiferous substance.
Court of Jacobus: "Of all the senses, smell gets down to the core level of the brain without being filtered out by the false constructions of our attorney based society. Thus a deeper truth is reached. No longer will people curse attorneys during the day time, and then go home and enjoy their cute antics on a show like 'Boston Legal.' We shall leave a scent that can never be washed out. Gas is our salvation. Gas is our future."
Predictably, Attorney Advocacy groups are furious: "What we have here is a small group of lunatic anarchists who don't even understand the legal system. And guess what --when we find out who is behind this, we are going to sue them!"
Already, there are signs that there will be heavy participation in the event. Sale of cabbage, beans, and especially Bok Choy are going through the roof. Security contractors report being completely book for the first week of March.

As always, SP will sniff out any new developments on this story

SAVANTS AT DINNER

THE MARILYN MANSON/REBA McENTIRE DUET THAT NEVER HAPPENED http://satirepatch.blogspot.com/2008/06/marilyn-manson-goes-country.html--FOR A FEW SHINING DAYS, it was the talk of the airwaves and many wondered --this impossible thing, could it be possible? As it turned out, it was impossible, however, the true story of the breakdown in the groundbreaking collaboration that was to be but never was is even more extraordinary than the thought of a man named Marilyn and woman called Reba singing together.

One of our reporters was finally able to get the inside scoop from Reba herself, after many months of trying. "You see" Reba told our interviewer "I was fully pre-pared to go ahead with it. I was all excitable about it. I remember driving up 65 past the Tennessean Truck Stop and I got a call on my remote control phone from my husband, Darnell. Darnell rings me and he is a saying 'Reber, I talked to your new buddy and he's coming over for lunch tomorrow afternoon.' Well I knew what he was talking about right away and I about wrecked my Mercedes. I said Darnell, don't you know I'm supposed to get my patootie checked tomorrow afternoon? Don't you 'member nothin'?! And Darnell is like 'Oh, uh sorry babe, yeah you got that dr appointment tomorrow for the gynecological doctor and such. How 'bout tellin' that guy, uh whatever he is, how about Thursday night?' So I says that's good, yeah, ok got to go."

"Ok, well now just because somebody is from a different kind of lifestyle we gonna do them right, so ol' Marilyn Manson comes over for dinner that Thursday dressed like a haint as usual, and we got this real nice dinner ready for him with real wine from France that I bought. And you know what, that ol' boy can act normal when he wants. We was havin' us a real nice discussion and then all sudden he says 'So, Reber, when Darnell dies, do you plan to have him stuffed?' Well let me tell you, I wasn't raised to talk about no stuff like that at the supper table, so I says 'You get the hell out of my house you damn freak!' And Darnell gets up and says 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass!'

Well, while Darnell is a puttin' him in his place, ol' Marilyn decides to get while the gettin' is good. Then I asked Darnell, I says now why didn't you kick his ass? And Darnell says 'Now baby, would you want Marilyn Manson's blood all over this house? We would have to have it fumigated, castigated and incinerated for the next five hundred years. That boy has probably got disease thangs livin' inside his body that scientific doctors don't even got no name for!!' And I said Sugar, you know can't nobody ever say I don't got a smart husband.

Right now I'm working on my thangs to say for the next Country Music Awards in '09. this year Carrie Underwood did the awards and everybody said she was boring and they want me back so I'm writin' down cute thangs to say. I get up on them awards and says my cute thangs, and people laugh at my cute thangs, and they pay me a million dollars! I doing purdy good for a cross-eyed simpleton from Oklahoma!"

This site will also be covering Reba's appearance at the Gary Levox Finger Painting Gallery in Nashville at the end of January. Stay tuned!