MARCH FIRST 2009 WILL BE FIRST ANNUAL "FART ON A LAWYER DAY"

TWO HUNDRED YEARS AGO SOMEONE DESCRIBED LAWYERS AS "THE ARBITERS OF JUSTICE FOR MEN MORE HONEST THAN THEMSELVES" Unfortunately, not much has changed since. Someone, however, intends to raise a stink about the situation with the first
"FART ON A LAWYER DAY" being set for March 1st of next year.
With a strategy similar to the Anonymous group that recently attacked Scientology, a mysterious web-based organization billing itself "COURT OF JACOBUS" sent out mass e-mails as early as November promoting the new day. A sample of their material: "They walk around court houses with smirks on their faces while the tired, sad people they prey upon sit on benches for hours waiting for their cases to be heard. They exist like eternal children, permanently cemented into their frat boy/ sorority house personalities, like the teenage boy kings of old engorged in their fiat after the untimely demise of the legitimate ruler. These parasites resist all legal remedies, because they are the law. We call for mass flatulence against this satanic force as the last result in a world where those who break the law suffer, those who obey the law struggle, and those who make the law shit on us all." (This is one of their milder publications.)
There are detailed instructions describing the appropriate prep for the first day of March. Besides beans, Bok Choy is highly recommended as diet. Participants are told to dress like attorneys themselves as they approach their target, and acting on the "He Who Smelt it Dealt It" principle, act as if they don't understand the startled reaction from those sampling the odiferous substance.
Court of Jacobus: "Of all the senses, smell gets down to the core level of the brain without being filtered out by the false constructions of our attorney based society. Thus a deeper truth is reached. No longer will people curse attorneys during the day time, and then go home and enjoy their cute antics on a show like 'Boston Legal.' We shall leave a scent that can never be washed out. Gas is our salvation. Gas is our future."
Predictably, Attorney Advocacy groups are furious: "What we have here is a small group of lunatic anarchists who don't even understand the legal system. And guess what --when we find out who is behind this, we are going to sue them!"
Already, there are signs that there will be heavy participation in the event. Sale of cabbage, beans, and especially Bok Choy are going through the roof. Security contractors report being completely book for the first week of March.

As always, SP will sniff out any new developments on this story