SAVANTS AT DINNER

THE MARILYN MANSON/REBA McENTIRE DUET THAT NEVER HAPPENED http://satirepatch.blogspot.com/2008/06/marilyn-manson-goes-country.html--FOR A FEW SHINING DAYS, it was the talk of the airwaves and many wondered --this impossible thing, could it be possible? As it turned out, it was impossible, however, the true story of the breakdown in the groundbreaking collaboration that was to be but never was is even more extraordinary than the thought of a man named Marilyn and woman called Reba singing together.

One of our reporters was finally able to get the inside scoop from Reba herself, after many months of trying. "You see" Reba told our interviewer "I was fully pre-pared to go ahead with it. I was all excitable about it. I remember driving up 65 past the Tennessean Truck Stop and I got a call on my remote control phone from my husband, Darnell. Darnell rings me and he is a saying 'Reber, I talked to your new buddy and he's coming over for lunch tomorrow afternoon.' Well I knew what he was talking about right away and I about wrecked my Mercedes. I said Darnell, don't you know I'm supposed to get my patootie checked tomorrow afternoon? Don't you 'member nothin'?! And Darnell is like 'Oh, uh sorry babe, yeah you got that dr appointment tomorrow for the gynecological doctor and such. How 'bout tellin' that guy, uh whatever he is, how about Thursday night?' So I says that's good, yeah, ok got to go."

"Ok, well now just because somebody is from a different kind of lifestyle we gonna do them right, so ol' Marilyn Manson comes over for dinner that Thursday dressed like a haint as usual, and we got this real nice dinner ready for him with real wine from France that I bought. And you know what, that ol' boy can act normal when he wants. We was havin' us a real nice discussion and then all sudden he says 'So, Reber, when Darnell dies, do you plan to have him stuffed?' Well let me tell you, I wasn't raised to talk about no stuff like that at the supper table, so I says 'You get the hell out of my house you damn freak!' And Darnell gets up and says 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass! 'I'm gonna kick yo' ass!'

Well, while Darnell is a puttin' him in his place, ol' Marilyn decides to get while the gettin' is good. Then I asked Darnell, I says now why didn't you kick his ass? And Darnell says 'Now baby, would you want Marilyn Manson's blood all over this house? We would have to have it fumigated, castigated and incinerated for the next five hundred years. That boy has probably got disease thangs livin' inside his body that scientific doctors don't even got no name for!!' And I said Sugar, you know can't nobody ever say I don't got a smart husband.

Right now I'm working on my thangs to say for the next Country Music Awards in '09. this year Carrie Underwood did the awards and everybody said she was boring and they want me back so I'm writin' down cute thangs to say. I get up on them awards and says my cute thangs, and people laugh at my cute thangs, and they pay me a million dollars! I doing purdy good for a cross-eyed simpleton from Oklahoma!"

This site will also be covering Reba's appearance at the Gary Levox Finger Painting Gallery in Nashville at the end of January. Stay tuned!